My hands reached – yearning to feel that weight again. Picking up that gun would complete me – make me whole. I reached... Dad got there first and knocked my hands away. He scooped up the gun in one hand and a bullet thing in the other. In a single practised move, he slid the two parts together and snapped the bullet thing into place. The gun, which had seemed enormous in my hands, fitted Dad’s hand perfectly. With his other hand, he did a smooth sliding move over the top part of the gun that made something go “shnick, clack” inside the gun. Then his thumb pushed the safety lever thing and it snapped into its other position – its not-safe position.I stood there, panting – trying to get used to the idea that I wasn’t holding the gun. I was disappointed. I had really wanted to pick up that gun. Scaredypants Bec was relieved. Scaredypants Bec was also somehow triumphant – as if she’d pulled off a successful move. I had no idea what that was about.With the loaded gun pointed at the. Whenever your are at school orout in public you need to continue to present your self as a boy andfollow all the appropriate rules and restrictions. Understood?"Kyle nodded as he wondered how long this suspended transition state wasgoing to last."In private things will need to be different. Before you can officiallyreassigned as a female the counseling team will need to sign off on yourpersonality, social, and political assessments. These issues aresubjective, and your living as a boy through middle school puts you at abig disadvantage. Just as you crammed for the aptitude test you must nowspend every private minute developing and nurturing the personalityappropriate for a girl your age. When you arrive at the assessment centeryou must look, act, and think like a girl. Your internal identity must bea girl. It will be very hard to accomplish this. Your mother and I willhelp you. Are you ready and willing?"Kyle nodded again but he was shaking in the chair. This morning he wasterrified.
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